I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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