I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
