he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
