guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
