oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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