and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
