Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
