How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
