Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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