The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
