Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
