There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
