Will you blow on my dice?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
