I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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