I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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