quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize