My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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