Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
