Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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