I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
