Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
