Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize