Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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