There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
