Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
