You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
