At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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