Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
