also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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