You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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