I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
