ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
