I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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