____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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