all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
