You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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