the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
