Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
home. puking in laundry basket.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
