is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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