she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
