Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
