Apparently you make a good broom.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
