therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
