I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
