I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
