I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
