I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
