nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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