Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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