i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
