nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
