he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
