my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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