I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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