Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
