I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
