we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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