remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
