I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
