while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
