Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
