Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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