Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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