well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
