yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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