You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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