no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She bit a glass in half.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
