How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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