have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
